BDSM Symbiosis : Are you a parasitic Domme?

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So pondering upon BDSM and specific parallels in biology, I decided to write this blog. I think explaining my point this way is more effective. Of recent, in my documentation of coursework I have been making social observations in BDSM virtually and real time. I used to think there where only 2 types of dommes, good and bad. As time progresses and my experience and knowledge of human behavior grows as it pertains to BDSM, perspective changes. And what I am noticing is a trend. Not so much a good or bad domme, cause I believe with the proper training and enthusiasm anyone can be a good domme. And anyone who does
this and simply doesnt give a fuck , can be a bad domme. What I think ive pin pointed is more like social behavioral trends due to a lack of understanding in what it is we actually do, as Femdom /Findom become more and more common in society.

In biology the term Symbiosis means - the interaction between two different organisms living in close physical association, typically to the advantage of both.

The D/s dynamic mirrors this exactly! You have D/s both in close association of each other. The domme by receiving tributes, gifts, money ,affection, adoration, etc. The slave by being in service to his dominant, being allowed to tribute, shower her with attention/affec
tion and possess a value to his dominant. Whether that be financial, physical or emotionally.synb

Now there are 4 common types of symbiosis.
mutualism
commensalism
parasitism
amensalism

Now I also believe these characteristics ring true in the D/s dynamic. The question is .... Where do you fall along this spectrum?

Let's explore each and compare:
Mutualism - a relationship between two species of organisms in which both benefit from the association.

mutulism

This to me would equate a healthy D/s. Where the domme takes and the sub gives and both are amicably set, both benefit. I think this is the goal !

Commensalism - a type of relationship between two species of a plant, animal, fungus, etc., in which one lives with, on, or in another without damage to either.

commensalism

This would equate to me a semi healthy D/s. Neither is disruptive to the other. Neither causes the other harm or benefit. The whale isnt harmed and the barnacles are an eye sore but I think  this is the common dynamic you find in D/s. It's not perfect , but there should be someone benefiting!
Of course that being the dominant.

Parasitism- a relation between organisms in which one lives as a parasite on another.

parasite

I think this all to common. Parasites harm can be harmful to their host. Parasites over time can even KILL their hosts. Sound familiar, I think we can also find this as a common thread in D/s dynamic.

Amensalism- a relationship between two species or organisms in which the individuals of one species adversely affect those of the other and are unaffected themselves.

 

amensalism

I think this is the latter... But is it really the best ?

So I write this blog to present food for thought. I think the goal in this is to achieve a perfect symbiotic relationship, that fits that dominant and her submissive.! So ask yourself... Where do you fall on the spectrum ? Please chime in!

May the odds be forever in your favor ladies !

Pretty Little Beggars!!

This blog was created to address a constant issue I keep seeing arising within Findom community. Our community is primarily filled with dominant women that can manipulate money, gifts, and etc from male slaves. Now findoms rely on their cunning, knowledge of slave behavior and feminine wilds to manipulate the coinage from the slaves. Now what I would like to address is and has been already stated in many blogs and reiterated again and again but still occurs! Tragi-domming!

Using a personal tragedy whether it be real or fictional is known as tragi-domming. We as findoms do not rely on slaves , we do not rely on sympathy or empathy to collect tributes. Why ? Cause this places the contributor (slave) in a position of power and now that reduces you from FINDOM to a BEGGAR!

Yes I said it TRAGIDOMMING = BEGGING ! WE AS FINDOMS DON'T BEG!

change

Now why did I say beggar?  Well, lets look at it like this...

When you are walking on the street, sitting on a train and you see the homeless person with a sign. They stop you and tell you a story of tragedy in hopes to inspire a donation. They out of sympathy, or the goodness of their heart give you a hand out. THIS IS NOT A TRIBUTE! What is the difference ? Homeless beggars asks strangers to give them money because they are destitute persons. Ask yourself .. Is that you? Are you downtrodden? The homeless person doing the begging on the street may be dirty, smelly and unhygienic.  YOU ARE PRETTY! But essentially you are doing the same thing as the homeless person.

poorgirl

Now a pretty girl in distress does and has always inspired the male to open his wallet, but keep in mind this is NOT TRIBUTE and this is certainly NOT FINDOM!

giveusmoney

There is NO ROOM in this space for those tactics as a Findom. Findoms aren't QUID PRO QUO = something given or received for something else.

As findoms we don't:

  • BEG

  • NEED

  • CAJOLE

  • RELY

  • USE TRAGEDY TO GAIN SYMPATHY

As findoms we are empowered! We seek to have desires fulfilled! We are strong and independent and ALWAYS portray an image of strength! We are NOT victims! We aren't damsels in distress.

Now contrary to popular opinion, I do believe there is room for both sugar babies and cam girls in this space, but ladies the tactics are different. Don't call yourself a Findom just to cover the bases! Don't call yourself a Findom and your justification is.. Findom to me is.. UM no! That's the lazy high answer you gave, when your teacher asked you something and you aren't well versed on the topic. There's a community of ladies who have been here for decades holding to the foundation of ideologies behind this fetish.

If I may give you an analogy.... A softball player, can play baseball and vice versa! This difference is knowing the variance of rules in the game! So you cant just walk in a softball game throwing pitches like Tim Lincecum! Why ? Cause that is NOT how that game is played and all you would do is piss of an entire fan base of softball fans! So when you ladies Tragidomme publicly, all you do is piss off a whole community! So when we see Tragidomming on the timeline , just know its sounds like this, and you look like this ...


Change Please ? Any spare Change ?

homeless

May the odds be forever in your favor ladies !

TimeWaster talk is a waste of your time !

the-complete-time-waster-book-5011-p

So I hope you ladies are finding your way around the Findom community and these pieces I write offer a little more insight to your journey. I'd like to take some time to discuss something I think is very serious and also very common. The infamous Time-waster!! Okay, some of you may not agree with this but I don't and never co sign to outing subs/slaves and or public time-waster talk. This for any Dominant in my opinion is a big NO NO !

I say this all the time ... The only one that can waste your time , is YOU! If you make a choice to invest your time in a particular sub and it doesn't pan out ... Guess what ? You made that choice! It wasnt made for you, you just happen to choose incorrectly . It happens, its ok ! Chalk it up as a learning experience and now look for way to identify and avoid this in the future.

Now let's look at some more reasons why this mentality is harmful rather than good.

1. Shouting to the world .. He's a time-waster! only does this...It broadcasts your lack of success in collecting tributes! As findom we are manipulators of money. We aren't victims! We choose to do this as want , desire! Not as a need! If you have been victimized or feel as though you are in this arena , then I suggest consider a change of path for this is not for you. If choose to invest your time into a slave , and it doesn't pan out. Just block him and move on! Slaves are like buses! There's always another in 5 minutes !

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2. You give the slave exactly what he wants ...ATTENTION. Not only have you showered him with your attention you have spotlighted him to other mistresses.

tw1

3. Makes you appear whiny and unattractive to future slaves. Doing this makes you appear less approachable to boys who may have an interest in serving you. The future slaves will not easily confide in you due to fears you may out them when mad or upset.

tw2
4. Lastly , we all know you aren't doing this to warn the next domme. That may be the guise of your reason for outing , but we all know the intent here is to spurn the slave from future service to another domme, in most cases. No one in this arena is dumb and boys who aren't viable show this within a few moments of conversation. Your intuition is usually spot on , so listen to it! No one needs warnings about boys. The usual outcome, is you only setup the slave to be rescued by the next domme. And she will swoop him off his feet by coming to his rescue from a big bad domme who is attacking him. That next domme will collect her tribute. I know , cause I speak from experience !

tw4

May the odds be forever in your favor ladies !

Understanding the difference between a Femdom , Domme, Dominatrix, and Findom

I feel this blog is necessary because after examining ... Most of you have no clue the difference so I figured , let me educate you! Now in this alternative lifestyle we call BDSM ... These terms DO correlate, but they ARE very different. I also realize there are no predefined set of acts that fall between each but I find there is a different inclination and set of beliefs that vary between the three. Some of you may not know where you fall in the spectrum and this helps. Hopefully I can capture this accurately ....

Femdom - Female Dominance A (genetic born) woman that believes in Female Supremacy ideology in its purest form. Femdoms believe because they are female, they are superior and they live this in every aspect of their lives. These are women who use men for , money , sexual gratification, advancement in status and feel its the obligation of the male to provide for her well being , happiness and lifestyle. She also feels it is her duty to do so. Men have no value, aside from the before mentioned reasons and procreation. Now let me give you an example of this. The Amazonian's are an example of a Femdom mentality & society. The Amazonian's believed that all men should be slaves!

They used these men as sex slaves for gratification as well as procreation. All females born were trained, schooled and raised in status in society . Women were hunters, warriors, scholars. All males born from these interactions were immediately separated from the society taken as slaves, sent into the wilderness, killed or sent to their fathers. A completely Matriarchal Society.

Now in the 21st century we certainly cant do most those of these things but the ideologies still stand true. So what does that mean as a femdom? Well as a Femdom let me answer you ..It means yes, I have sex with men and enjoy it and they are discarded or kept as I see fit, mere playthings! Yes, I have slaves that are trusted, vetted, screened and have developed that bond with me over time. Yes they are allowed to worship my body when I see fucking fit and its requisite! Whether that be my Ass or Asshole, my feet or orally pleasing me, or even being my human toilet and waste receptacle that is my choice as a Femdom! I play this way in both a professional and lifestyle space! Why? Simply, because it is how I choose to live! Hate it or Love it ...Im happy and living authentically! I DO ME!!!

Dominatrix - (Domme, pro-domme the french variation of the word ) A female that takes a Dominate role in BDSM play and that is at times paid to engage in BDSM play and or activity in a professional play-space or online(edomme). Some play with in their lifestyle or personal space, that being her choice for most it is a business, their job. The subs/slaves that engage with them also tribute in some capacity in exchange for the interactions with the Domme.
The Ancient Mesopotamian and Sumerians are an example of a dominatrix mentality in society. Where Goddess would make certain gods fall to their submission. Even though equals, god and goddesses rituals were performed where gods were punished , forced to cross dress and even reduced to painful play!

Again todays standards are different. We are all mere mortals ! lol Most dommes do not have sex with their clients, nor do most support the Female Supremacy ideologies 100%. They have relationships with men where they consider them as equal partners. Some have relationships with men where they are even submissive, subservient or switching. These individuals often use titles such as: Mistress, Goddess, Domina, Princess, Queen. Again with no predefined set of acts ... So what does that mean to dominatrices? Most dominatrix are just women who only exude power over those that relinquish it. In other facets of life they are what society refers to as normal women, some even consider some as there men equals.

Findom - ( Financial Dominatrix; Edomme) now a findom is a Financial Dominatrix. Now Findoms can be virtual/edommes. Findoms can be real time pros, life stylers, that are proficient in the kinks/fetishes that interest them and they bring that to the financial domination space. Where interaction requires renumeration. So what does that mean to a findom?
Begging, using sympathy, cajoling, scamming using underhand deceitful tactics to obtain sub/slave interaction are all inappropriate ways to establish and/or build any successful D/s relationship! You hold the cards! You set the pace! You control the tone! For any conducive D/s to work, that requires honesty, effort and interest. All of those being the opposite of the previously mentioned adjectives!

Now Femdoms can be a Findoms and vice versa ... But a Dominatrix can never be a Femdom, but she can be a Findom. Its all in the inclination & ideologies!
No matter where you fall on the spectrum, every slave and master relationship is custom fit! No two are the same! Each kink, fetish, fetishist and lifestyle are different. So to judge the dynamic of an individual M/s or D/s relationship, kink, fetish is close minded and small! Remember, we share a commonality. We all in this lifestyle are already judged by society for going against societal norms.

Even though I have tried to define something that has an ever evolving definition and is relative to each individual. NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW YOU SHOULD LIVE OR PREDEFINE YOU! YOU CAN NEVER PLACE ME IN A BOX!! WHY ??BECAUSE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE ME! SO I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE CONFUSED. Some of you may feel the same way some may not. I hope this blog helps evolve the perceptions of some people and help them grow tolerance for something and/or someone they don't understand. Be receptive!

May the odds be forever in your favor ladies !!!